Discrimination and Boycotting Is Narcissisism

Cirque du Soleil cancels all shows in North Carolina

SMH…*sigh* And I really wanted to go see this. This must come to a stop. This in insane y’all. Economic boycotting reveals one thing: narcissism.

It’s an effort seeking to impose a change in what someone, or a group of people, do not believe in. In turn, if these people do not get what *they* want, they will refrain themselves from the rest of those who oppose them – and affect those who are with them – (instead of working things out to come to a compromise).

I lived with this kind of “relationship” with my family of origin for 20+ years.

If it didn’t suit my family of origin, they pulled their love from me. It’s the same tactic with economic boycotting. When a state, company, small business owner, etc. doesn’t do as the company or a person desires, they pull their *support* (money) from them.

This is the same behavior as discrimination, only on the other side of the same coin!

The more this year presses on, the more I am seeing narcissism being revealed over and over and over again. Many firmly believe narcissism is just all about selfies, but friends…it goes much deeper down the rabbit hole than that.

Narcissism a spectrum behavior.

We all – all humanity – have elements of these behaviors; only some enable the behavior over and over again by not facing themselves, their decisions, their feelings (particularly the bad).

Instead, these people shove it onto someone else – for someone else is always to blame in a narcissist’s perspective. In these peoples’ eyes, they’re “never wrong” and “always right.”

Narcissists do not take responsibility for their own feelings, actions and behavior. Ever.

It’s always someone else’s fault in their eyes. And with the push with the LGBT movement lately, and now corporate companies falling in line with the boycotting, narcissism is being exposed beyond measure (yet it’s constantly being overlooked; for hardly anyone wants to call the kettle for what it is. It’s time to call the kettle black, y’all. We are all a mix of kettles and pots…so we are all black. But a narcissist will seek to convince everyone they are white when they are so black themselves).

It’s time to end this madness. It really is. *sigh*

  • I am a Christian woman.
  • I am a mother of a son whom I protect with faithful fervor.
  • I am a woman in recovery from emotional/narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect from her family of origin.
  • I am for safety for *everyone*not just *one* select group of people. This includes straight women, straight men, boys, girls – as well as all LGBT people.

It unnerves me that groups of people seek to define who I am in their eyes to suit their own agendas. Some, yes, may have the agenda of hate and discrimination within them concerning the legislation the state of NC passed blocking the bathroom ordinance my own city passed (and mind you, they did so without even allowing the people of the city – people like myself and my husband – to vote on it). However, just because one person – or a select handful of people – hold within them this contempt, doesn’t mean everyone in this state does.

I know discrimination, friends. I have been a victim since I was a kid.

Beat up and vehemently slandered when I was 11 years old for a whole school year by a “friend” at one point because she found out I was Jewish, I know religious discrimination.

Now being a Christian, and have been for 12 years, I am now being lumped together with those who take Christianity and contort and twist it to their own agendas (again, in narcissistic ways – narcissism is no respecter of person’s here) and labeled “just as bad as them” because I am affiliated with the same religion.

Friends, discrimination – just like boycotting – is bias.

It’s selfish.

It’s narcissistic.

Plain and simple…it’s narcissistic.

Discrimination seeks to project blame onto a group of people based on their race, gender, religion, disability, or any other number of things that either are out of their control (or have been within their control, but chose a different path for their lives).

Boycotting does the same projection of blame, based upon what *they believe is wrong in their eyes* in effort to make change happen how they want to see it happen.

Again, I know discrimination. I have been exposed to it the majority of my life.

Therefore, I know what it’s like to be a victim; but I also know what it’s like to live victoriously.

I know what it’s like to live free from victim mentality and blaming everyone else for my problems, taking responsibility for myself, and seeking to make sure I live my life better than it was given to me.

In turn, I seek to encourage others to live victoriously.

Victim mentality that isn’t healed leads to narcissism, and in turn discriminates or boycotts.

Fire cannot be fought with fire. Being a former firefighter, I know this from experience. And all economic boycotting (as a response to their perspective of discrimination here) is doing, is seeking to fight fire with fire. This mindset is competition, not connection.

It’s, again, time to call the kettle for what it is – just like all the pots (because we’re all guilty of something in our lives). We’re all black, but we all have responsibility to embrace all that we feel, see and believe – and even embrace what has been done to us, as well as what we have done to others – and learn how to become better; not bitter.

Should anyone have a comment on this post, please email me.

Let’s Become Joy Seekers

Below is a post I made on my Facebook page earlier this week, and in sharing it here, I seek to elaborate my focus: Joy.

Joy, in Christ – this is now what I am seeking. What I am chasing. My passion above all other passions to protect and live responsibly and consciously in the moment (the present).

It’s really hit me this morning upon waking up: without joy, life is lost.

I’ve grown weary of depression forged in anxiety. It’s something I live with – daily. Doctors have offered to place me on anti-depressant’s again, yet their offer seeks to only alleviate the symptom rather than address the problem: anxiety. The anxiety I struggle with doesn’t root from depression; it’s the other way around.

In learning how to tackle the root issue here – anxiety – I am learning the best way to go through it, and fight it, is in seeking joy.

Joy is the antithesis to anxiety.

Joy seeks life, where anxiety [and depression] finds death.

In Hebrew, my name (Marni) actually means, “rejoice.” The Lord knew what my name needed to be to help me learn how to live my life – in joy.

How can this be done when life feels like one huge black hole? The Lord gave us clear instruction how to counter anxiety, and its very gray and gloomy sibling, depression:

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” James 1:2

This is my battle cry now: Joy.

Joy in Christ.

Life – this world – has junk. Politics, narcissism, terrorism, protesting, natural disasters, famine, war, abuse…whatever the worldly cause of the anxiety, God already has the remedy: joy.

Here’s what my thoughts were earlier this week:

I’m really processing a lot from the last week and a half with online (social media) interaction that I’ve personally had. Some of what I’ve chosen to engage in has been quite controversial – considering the NC turnover of Charlotte’s non-discrimination ordinance – and it’s led to a lot of libel cast my way. Tweets, FB comments, emails – they haven’t been very nice. In turn, the way even public commentary on this issue is being handled on both ends is above all what concerns me the most.

Just over this past weekend alone (what’s been reported in the media), over 100 Christian’s lost their lives due to terrorist acts. Christian’s were the main targets. The plot? To get Christian’s to concede to their way of thinking – or die.

Now, mirror the occurrences over the last two weeks here in the US, and a different stage is set – yet again, against Christian’s. The theater is set in governmental settings with General Assembly, lawmakers, Governor’s and protestors on either side being the main characters. Yet, the plot? Get Christian’s to concede to a set of ideals that go against the faith – or be persecuted, slandered and libeled against.

Either way, the finger is pointing in the direction of Christianity – namely Christian’s.

All in the name of tolerance, this world (even within our very own nation, and the state and city I live in) is truly revealing the bible to be correct in how the end of times will play out.

This is only the beginning. Yet, as much as it looks ugly on the surface, the beauty that resides in this world needs to be intentionally sought so the world around us doesn’t bury us in narcissism, anxiety and depression.

Watch a sunrise or sunset. Go outside for a walk. Put your phone down and have a conversation with your kids. Call a friend you haven’t talked with in awhile (instead of texting). Take a trip to a place you’ve never been before in your own city. Read a book that encourages you to think of good things. Take photos. Draw. Color. Write a short story. Journal. Crochet. Knit. Sip a cup of really good coffee.

Enjoy, savor, and share what good is still in this world despite the sea of darkness that is seeking to consume it before Jesus comes back.

I will at times still share my perspectives on issues close to my heart, but I will focus more on sharing the joys still left to be found in this world (in my sliver of it). Will anyone else join me?

Let’s start a movement – an intentional joy movement.

So are you ready? To take that leap, and seek joy with me? Come on, let’s go. It’s not a waste to do so.

Let’s be joy seekers – together.

The Importance of Accountability

Matthew 18:20 states that where there are two or three gathered in Jesus’s name, he is there. In turn, 1 Thessalonians 5:11 encourages us to encourage and build one another up.

Considering these two verses, it’s clear that God never intends for us to go through anything in life alone. In fact, He didn’t fashion us for isolation – but instead, community.

Now, for an introvert like myself, a community is almost equivalent to a curse word. I mean, how dare anyone tell me – Mrs. INFJ – that I need to connect with others. I got this! I mean, come on. I don’t need anyone! I can figure all this out on my own.

I tried this method a long time ago for a handful of years – down a spiritual path that was completely void of God – and I found myself in the same spot I was at before I even stepped foot into the land of Paganism. Only, this time, I was embarking on the doorstep of Jesus…so quite different.

Anyhow, I refrain from further digression.

The point is, I tried for years to do this life gig on my own. I sought to make God into my own image, and I sought to use Him in such a way that diminished him to the idols I worked with. How much more blasphemous could I have ever been?

In following His lead now for 12 years, I’ve learned this life gig is nothing at all about me – but all about Him in and through me.

This means in all my affairs, I not only take Him with me…but I allow Him to be my navigator.

In the 12th step of recovery, particularly in Celebrate Recovery, it states:

“Having had a spiritual experience as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs.”

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore them gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” -Galatians 6:1

In recovery, from anything (even merely codependency and anxiety), we need to take God with us from everything we’ve worked [thus far with Him] into every thread and fiber of our lives.

This means we need continual healthy accountability.

This means whatever struggles we’re facing we need to have people in our space who can truly help us achieve the desired results we are after with God, and help us stay the course even when we get there.

It’s so easy to get trapped into the mentality of arrival. It’s easy to think that once we get that desire, we can slip right back into old habits and mindsets before we even started the recovery process, and think it won’t happen to us…to go backward.

If this were the case, I wouldn’t have gained the 44 lbs I lost after I had my son – and then gained 20 more lbs on top of it in the last 3.

I let go of myself when my world came crashing apart when I went no contact with my family of origin. I allowed my body go back to an unhealthy state and gave up on me with God concerning my health. I still had the PCOS back then, but it was much more manageable with the 60 lbs less on me.

But now, I’m being called out on the table of my life – without feeling one lick of need of any permission from anyone to do this – to get my own health under control once and for all.

What shocked me back into this understanding for myself?


Utter fear of becoming my mother health-wise.

I don’t want…I deeply don’t want…to wind up as physiologically ill as she has wound up in her life. So I’m doing something about it…with God.

I’ve formed a PCOS Recovery Team for myself…and the first two in that team are God and myself. In turn, my husband, doctor, endocrinologist, counselor, sponsor and two very solid fitness accountability partners are all a part of this team.

Together, there is a strength I have that I have never had on my own.

This is the power of accountability, my friends.

Accountability helps us discover the strength only God possesses [within ourselves] as He works through others with us; and in turn, through us with others.

Accountability works Matthew 18:20 and 1 Thess 5:11 beautifully, and makes our lives forces to be reckoned with. Because with two, three and a whole mess more – the enemy doesn’t stand a chance, unlike when we’re isolated and alone.We’re easy prey when we’re alone. But we’re unstoppable with Christ and the right people to help us be everything He made us to be.

We’re easy prey when we’re alone. But we’re unstoppable with Christ, and the right people to help us be everything He made us to be!

Why I’m Not Observing Lent

So, I’m researching to explore this whole season we’re in with many people observing Lent. In actuality, though the scriptures reveal many people (including Jesus) fasted, and there were wanderings and other things that deal with 40 days, the reality is nowhere in scripture is Lent (or even Ash Wednesday) remotely revealed as a practice a Christian *needs* to engage in. It doesn’t mean it isn’t good to take time and fast from something to strengthen your relationship with God – but the reality is, it’s not a requirement from God (or through the example Jesus set down for us) for us to do this.

I’ve been examining doctrine lately with my husband – for a general understanding of doctrine, as well as examining our personal doctrine (which has us taking a hiatus from church at this moment in our lives). In this examination, I’m discovering the many different practices that Christendom holds, and many Christians and churches exercise – but they’re more extra-biblical (but referencing scripture), and this concerns me.

Growing up Jewish, I was instructed that Mosaic Law was the way of the Jewish religion. All we ever needed to know as Jews was to be followed by merely the 10 Commandments. This law was the foundation I cut my teeth on early in life. In turn, what we also needed to know wasn’t so much based upon our personal studies, but instead, what the Rabbi taught us (or in my case as a child, what also it was taught to me by my Sunday School teachers and Hebrew School teachers).

Much of what I learned wasn’t so much directly from Torah, but instead from Talmud, Midrash, and Mishnah. If I wanted to further my studies in Hebrew High School, I had to take these classes – as well as Kabbalah (which is highly utilized as well by many Pagans today).

Boiled down, I was taught to seek out God’s word through commentary and interpretation from other people (Rabbi’s) – not through my personal study of His word. That to do such was not for me, or any Jewish lay person – because we didn’t have the understanding of someone who has deeply studied the scriptures such as a Rabbi.

As I’ve deepened my walk in my Christian faith, and my personal study of God’s word, I see just how much error there is in this.

Alas, yes, we can easily be swayed by our interpretation of His word – it’s a temptation. But it is such for anyone, not any particular group of people – like a Rabbi, Priest or even a Minister or Pastor.

We’re all human, and we all have this flaw in each of our human tapestries to interpret God’s word wrong at times. Therein this is why God gave us The Holy Spirit…to help us understand His word according to His mind and eyes. Not our own.

As we study, we will be corrected when we are in error. Sometimes, we will share something that may influence another that is in error. It’s not always going to be our job to correct this error, but instead, The Holy Spirit’s. When He convicts us to correct it, it’s for us to obey His guidance for that correction. Also, we must trust He will also guide others to be corrected even though we may at times goof up.

God knew we’d get some things wrong, or go sideways at times, concerning His word. In fact, even the scriptures we read today in various translations, have a human imprint on them. Therefore, they’re not as pure as when they were first scribed in Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek years ago. Therefore, they’re already tainted a bit.

This is why having The Holy Spirit within us is so vital when we read scripture. Reading it just to read it, and just to know what it says, doesn’t help us – or anyone – in any way, shape, or form.

It’s not a matter of what helps us concerning scripture, but Who helps us.

In deep processing over this, this morning, I’ve deduced I am not allowing my life to enter into extrabiblical practices based on a calendar year. Again, the concept of Lent isn’t unbiblical – fasting is necessary at times, based on our choice to follow The Holy Spirit obediently to fast when we need to. However, I am not gathering [according to scripture] that such a practice needs to be exercised according to humanity’s encouragement of it en-masse.

So boiled down, nope – I’m not engaging in Lent (nor will I engage in Advent or any other spiritual practice that encourages me to follow man’s interpretation over God’s direction through His word).

I cannot engage in a spiritually ritualistic way of life like I was encouraged to do [growing up] based on extra-biblical texts I was encouraged to live by – based upon mankind’s interpretation of scripture.

Yes, ritual is a necessary part of the human life. It’s an instilling of discipline. It’s necessary for particular areas of life. However, from what I am gathering thus far in my examination and research, is that it’s not man-driven – only God-driven.

I must follow what The Holy Spirit reveals to my examined life [by His word, and His word alone], not what man says I need to do based on His word.

I’ve lived for too long by man’s interpretations and ways, and even by my interpretations and ways. It’s time I solely go on His directions.

This doesn’t mean I won’t listen to other’s perceptions, doctrines, or interpretations of scripture. The Holy Spirit uses other people we connect with, and listen to, to help us in our examined understanding of His word. But I refuse to go solely on their words based on His word anymore.

“And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” –Matthew 6:16-18 (ESV)

Feelings & Humanity Bring Us To Jesus’s Feet

For the last year or so, it’s been excruciatingly difficult to write with the intent to publish. I couldn’t put my finger exactly on the reason this was up until about a month ago. Even then, just to acknowledge this didn’t mean I knew how to re-engage.

It comes down to a few key things concerning my life ranging from generational bondages that have been passed onto me emotionally and mentally, to my personal hang-up with codependency.

At the end of the day, however, it came down to me accepting the personal responsibility that it’s been me in the way of me with this hang-up.

What happened to me is in the past. Bringing any of it into the present, doesn’t set me up for any significance for the future; only dismal failure.

Such failure like this was unfortunately birthed through a family before me who gave up on their lives due to circumstances happening to them, instead of allowing themselves to allow the circumstances to be the very tools necessary for self-examination. Which in turn would have been the ideal tools to help lead to a greater sense of self-awareness, and inevitably, handing over all the powerlessnesses revealed to an all powerful God who can handle it all.

Many in my family before me never recognized their need for an all powerful God to manage their unmanageable lives. Of whom I know of, and those whom I have known in familial intimacy, in one fashion or another, the majority of my family bloodlines have engaged in some manner of addiction or another. Either be it alcohol, gambling, codependency, or controlling narcissistic behavior through engulfing or neglect – addiction is strewn throughout my family blood, and it was God who flat out said [to me] that enough was enough.

He needed to see the change He already had in mind for my family before me, and somehow I had the guts to say, “Okay, God! I’ll do it!!” All along, I keep asking Him at times, “Why me, God!? I mean, why me!?”

It boils down to the reality I said, “Yes.” to Jesus, whereas most of my family before me would have never thought of such an endeavor. There is some religiously-focused Christian bloodline in there, but it’s mostly very Jewish in nature – and not even piously Jewish at that.

In turn, this has affected how much of my family before me has managed their lives. Reliant upon addictions (unhealthy coping skills) instead of God, they struggled to know even their personal value and identity – therefore, their purpose. It saddens me to write these words, and painful as well. Alas, this is the reality, however.

It also comes down to this:

My family before me doesn’t define who I am. Only Jesus does.

God fashioned me in such a way that I am to write to feel my feelings. This choice unravels every fiber of the tapestry of my family before me.

Instead of being allowed, or allowing themselves to feel through the talents and gifts God gave many of my family before me, they abdicated their own lives by ways of various individual addictions (or a multitude of them).

God, however, designed me not to give up on Him with me, and therefore, refuses to leave me alone when I feel the human desire within me to do as my family before has many times over.

Yes, I feel burdened by it; but I feel far more burdened when I don’t exercise the very ways He’s given to me to feel so I can be human so I can bring myself to Him and honor Him.

God has given us all a voice, and a way in which to exercise that voice so as to bring Him glory.

God desires us to allow ourselves to feel feelings, to be human (including every sinful feeling), so we bring every bit of who we are to the feet of Jesus – and let The Holy Spirit be our guide, instead of our fleshly ways.

David, while in wilderness of Judah, felt his feelings – every part of his humanity – and in turn, lifted all of himself up to God:

 “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63:1-8 (ESV)

I’ve been sincerely tempted, in my wilderness lately, to refrain from feeling my feelings – withholding myself from being human as He created me. Alas, to allow this temptation become an action inevitably sets me up to be my own god. Riddled with idolatry strewn throughout a good majority of my life, my life in Christ convicts me daily to relinquish this idol.


To God.

So it is with this post, I step out His conviction to my spirit…to feel feelings and be human.