Sometimes, computers and devices glitch. They behave in wonky ways and no matter how much we clean up, purge, delete and such…sometimes all that’s needed is a good old-fashioned hard, reset.
Being a human, isn’t much different.
Back in March (just last month), I had made such a move forward to reset my writing by ceasing blogging so as to focus my writing work on my book writing alone. Authorishly noble, I’m sure it all sounds…but alas, it’s not what He truly had in mind when He guided me to redirect my writing. I ‘ll admit, I truly believed the still voice of confirmation I had of this was of God’s direction for me to focus most of my writing attention on book writing; but alas, I am human. I misunderstand God’s direction at times just like anyone else.
Case in point, just a few weeks ago, I had a major breakthrough in my recovery journey. When relationship ended between my family of origin and myself, the words God spoke to me were, “Let them go to Me.” Since that moment of separation over two years ago, I’ve carried a burden of shame that it was my decision to “let them go.” That it was my fault for going no contact. Alas, however, this is not a burden that was meant for me to carry, because God’s directive wasn’t at all geared toward this decision being *just* mine. Nor was it geared toward this decision being my parents fault. It boiled down to this:
The drawing of healthy boundaries in my life + my family’s lack of respecting these boundaries = no contact.
Summed up: it was the natural consequence of all human parties involved. All parties (including myself) have a burden of responsibility to bear in this – not a burden of shame.
My burden of responsibility was my lack of poor boundaries for over 15 years of my life…and theirs was not respecting the fact I had any boundaries to create at all. Since The Holy Spirit brought this clarification came to mind, I’ve learned to let go of the burden of shame…of guilt…upon myself that I was never intended to carry.
In turn, I’ve learned to be a bit more graceful toward myself concerning my misunderstanding His directives at times.
His direction for me to gear my attention toward my writing wasn’t for me to cease blogging, but to reassess my priorities in my life amidst my blogging – and get my attitude toward work under control.
Since beginning Jon Acuff’s newest book, Do Over by Jon Acuff (which amazingly hit the New York Times Bestseller list in less than a week – way to go, Jon!), and working the 10-Day Challenge by Jon Acuff a couple times over already, I’ve addressed my writing – and most importantly, my attitude toward my work (involving writing). In doing so, I’ve learned just how horribly unhealthy my attitude toward work has been, hence my horrible time management skills.
Many amazing things have been unfolding and revealing themselves as I continue moving forward toward wholeness of who God has made me to be for this moment, and they’ve been helping me capture glimpses of where He’s taking me. He won’t show me the whole picture, but I have enough snapshots to know that if I stop now…or even digress even the slightest bit…I’ll never see the picture He’s showing me those snapshots of. And the thing is, I really want to see it…I want to live it.
So starting back on June 8th – the day after my 38th birthday – I will be re-engaging in blogging.
My focus is still very Christ-centered recovery focused – but things will take on primarily the sharing of my own life/testimony, and what God is doing through these struggles I endure. This is all to be done to share with you a glimpse of hope that recovery is truly possible for anyone – including a saved-by-grace mess like me.
This blog/website has taken on many transformations the last 5 years – and I highly doubt God is done with having it grow with my ever-evolving transformation into the shape He’s making me into. Alas, this isn’t that different than what I’ve done with my blogging in the past, but the difference will be I am allowing The Holy Spirit do the encouraging through my sharing of my mess that He’s unraveling and making new through my recovery journey – rather than be the interpreter for Him.
It’s a slight tweak, but it’s a dramatically necessary tweak, because it’s my heart’s desire to have Him speak to you. It’s my hope in this relaunch, He will do just that for anyone coming here.
Thank you to all who’ve endured the constant changes. You are so valued and appreciated in my life.
And welcome new readers to this space. You, as well, are so valued and appreciated in my life.
God bless you all. Thanks for letting me share.