The healing of these words didn’t begin to take place until this past year, and since the defining moments happened…it’s been an uphill climb. At times, I have fallen…but isn’t that the point of growing? Changing? Don’t we learn how to get back up from falling on our rear ends?
I’ve fallen as a baby learning to walk…but I got back up and kept at it (just like everyone else).
I’ve been badly bucked from a horse…but I got back up, and on the horse, to get it back to the stable.
I’ve been knocked out by countless girls and women in my life since childhood…but I kept seeking to engage in relationships with other girls and women.
Throughout this whole process of getting back up, and going at it again, there was a defeatist deep within me that I let get the best of me. The “normal monster” crept up constantly within me, screaming out in my head that different is bad.
Then last summer hit…July 4th to be exact…and my world was rocked to my core. Forsaken by my own parents for standing up for Christ in my life, I had to finally see myself as different.
I never thought my mother’s teachings of “stop trying to conform, Marni” would bring me to a moment with my mother to relay to her just how different I am from her and Dad…despite my upbringing by them. Evidently, God did.
It had to take a moment of rocking me so hard deep down, thinking I lost everything due to losing a relationship with my flesh and blood parents, for God to grab my attention and have me turn my eyes and heart toward Him and recognize the truth: